Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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