The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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