I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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