I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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