so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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