I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
