My friends, they love my intelligence
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
