weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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