Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
