True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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