I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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