I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Semen is not good for contacts.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize