I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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