The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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