I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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