have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
