Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
