I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
