The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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