I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You are a genius and a whore.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
