Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
