There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
