Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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