I cockslap morals
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
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Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
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Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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