just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
