I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
