The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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