dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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