I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
