He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize