she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
