just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
