Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
