strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
