if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
