Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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