Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
