I hate all girls vehemently.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
