I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
