peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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