You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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