A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
