it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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