I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
