around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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