when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
