Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
