speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
