please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
