i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
