Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Randomize
