piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
