the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
