2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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