we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
