Just mADE A PArabola og urine
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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