he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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