I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
