She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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