I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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