mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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