he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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