Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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